I don’t feel the need to be anything more than that – a beginner. Having said that, my practice is an amazing gift that I nurture with even more practice. It’s a gift from the universe that I do not take for granted. The whole experience is a plethora of emotions just waiting to be unleashed – delight, wonder, indifference, struggle, obsession, disappointment, breakdown, breakthrough, wonder, delight. I welcome each new emotion with an open heart, whether it appeals to my senses or not. I have learned not to dismiss any experience. Any aversion to unpleasant sensations only causes more misery than fully accepting the source of unpleasantness.
Nearly four years ago, I started my journey home to myself. Of course, back then, I didn’t really look at it that way. Back then, I lived a pretty sedentary lifestyle. I was overweight and borderline diabetic. I needed an activity – any activity at that – that allows more movement than my current lifestyle afforded me. I found a yoga studio around the corner from my house, and the rest was history. Each time I am one with my mat, I discover something new about my practice. I find something new about myself. Each time, with no fail, I am reminded that I am perpetually a learner – a beginner.
Fast forward four years…I still come back to practice. Mind you, my yoga has evolved in more ways than one. I’ve had to overcome my incessant ego several times. And I suspect I will still need to overcome its limitless attempts to undermine my journey. You see, ego is a funny little thing. It pushes you in multiple directions, but none of them ever really lead to liberation. It engages your self-destruct button and you have to succumb before you realize that you don’t have to. Ego will create and destroy relationships for you, so you will realize that all you ever really need is already within you.
I have come to terms with the fact that as far as yoga is concerned, as a practitioner and a teacher, I am a child. A stubborn child who has a lot to learn. But unlike a child, I realize now that I am not in a hurry to grow up. I enjoy being a beginner. I don’t really need to go far, I just need to keep going. Continue reading